‘Wet Dreams’

*[indicates dreaming]

 

[There was something constant in the air; however, I couldn't feel whether it was cool, warm, dry or moist, only that it was there and so evident that it was almost tangible. I lie on the bed of my beautiful lover, alone and all around me there are lights and shadows rising and relinquishing in rolling patterns across every photo and trinket used as decoration from the ceiling to the floor. It was a comfortable day in San Francisco and the room was exactly as I remember it, every picture awkwardly cocked as it was in real life; the printed red-patterns on the white tasseled scarf hanging from above the bed like a small canopy that was the unofficial centerpiece to the room. Outside the doors it was the daytime and the sky was blue, spotted with random white, fluffy clouds sprawling across the bay from Oakland to the shore and I could see the neighboring apartments as the drawn white curtains opened up to Golden Gate Street and its colorful array of continually changing (however, still continuous) edifices as they approached six stories, yet still fell in the shadows of the green leaves of the tall trees of Golden Gate Park rising above them. It was a perfect San Francisco day and I hadn't much understood the meaning of the dream yet.]

I had only been asleep for just over two hours.

[As my head hang watching the street sloping away from me down to the T at Arguello a sudden shock showered down upon me. The sprinklers (or something) in the room had exploded and the water rained down in sheets, seeming as if it came from the ceiling itself in waves as it raced across from window to far wall, wide as was the room. I could begin to feel the wetness on my face.]

I suddenly came to the realization that the rain was not a dream and, what the hell!? I'm actually wet!!!

The room was dark because it was early (4:21am, I'd discover shortly); however, when my eyes opened, having been asleep they adjusted quickly enough and I was facing the closet doors (mirrored from floor to ceiling) and could see the silhouettes of two familiar figures standing tall in the darkness at the doorway behind me. I awoke quickly and muttered something to myself and quickly pulled my golden comforter high to cover myself and Ali, who was sleeping beside me. Giggling from the shadowed marauders ensued as they continued to rain reign upon us from the doorway. For a full fifteen seconds or more, the aquatic ambush continued as the comforter had become a golden shield (much like Batman's cape, Ali would later remark) and did well to block practically the entire duration of the attack and divert the soaking to the closet doors. This monstrous attack was of my own creation.

Electronics were nearby and I drew attention to their presence, at which point I began to rise and the two gunman withdrew, disappearing into the darkness from the doorway. We sat up as we heard the giggling dissipate in the clatter of klutzy footsteps clumsily maneuvering corners; doors opening, closing; blinds shuffling, gates clinging and they faded into car doors and screeching tires as they fled.

Ali and I sat there dumbfounded by the massacre of the closet door as we quickly gathered what'd just happened and let out smiles, smirks and laughter; both at the happening, itself and at the epic failure of the attack in its intended soaking purposes.

They'd tried. Diligently and commendably, they tried to assassinate us as we lie sleeping, mid-morning. However, all it did was create mirth for the attempt and failure and bring us closer together, for one side of the bed remained unsleepable for the rest of the night.

This is the account of the first nighttime assassination attempt of Super Soaker Summerfest Oh-NINE!!! I'd like you all to read it carefully and understand it's all in good fun. So when it happens to you, albeit from me or another… don't you get mad… you've entered into this game knowing the consequences. This is your last chance to withdraw for beyond here… Alls Fair in Water War.

SuperSoakerSummerFest Oh-NINE! Rules:

1. You may not fire upon a competitor who is actively using, or in close proximity to exposed electronics (i.e. computers, cell phones, iPods, etc…). It is the responsibility of the electronic's owner to properly conceal, protect, or be without unexposed electronics, such as those kept in pockets. If you are fired upon and your phone or iPod is in your pocket and is ruined, that is your own damn fault and the cost of replacing it falls upon you, and you alone. Don't get mad. You've been forewarned.
   

   I.2    If you fire upon someone with exposed electronics (or within proximity to) and ruin the device(s), that is the attacker's responsibility and they must replace the electronics immediately. This is for the sake of understanding, peace of mind, rules enforcement and avoiding friends kicking each other's asses out of spite, hate, or retaliation. So be careful and aware when attacking.
   

2. You may not fire upon a competitor who is dressed and on their way to work.
   

   II.2    You may not fire upon a competitor who is at work, nor inside the work place. Apparently this is not inherent in the primary rule, itself and requires a Supreme Court-like ruling. Breaks from work and making an appointment with appropriate competitors; however, are fair game. So you'd do well to have a change of clothes with you at all times.
   

3. You may not fire upon a person when you cannot be retaliated against. Period.
   
4. Stun Guns are not a part of SuperSoakerSummerFest Oh-NINE! (Nick) And therefore cannot be used on wet peoples.
   
5. Water guns may be filled with water and water only. Water-based dyes (ones that will not stain, this does not include food coloring) are acceptable. But liquids such as alcohol, soda and vinegar (Nick)… are NOT acceptable and will likely create a fisticuffs situation. Let's try to avoid these at all costs. That's why the rules are in place.
   
6. If you are attacked indoors, you'd be best ready to retaliate. If someone escapes an indoor attack situation dry, they are not responsible for cleaning up any of the mess (but are still responsible for damaged electronics). Anyone who is hit during the indoors attack is the party (parties) responsible for cleaning up the mess (this includes if the attacker is hit). In short, all parties hit are responsible for cleaning up the mess. Rewards in omissions go to those who escape unscathed. After all, this is a competition of sorts. This rule does not negate either part of rule II. Work (unless an appropriate appointment is made) is still off-limits.
   
7. If you choose to continue on with SuperSoakerSummerFest Oh-NINE! You must adhere to all rules, especially the most important rule… DO NOT GET PISSED! I have a feeling this may be a test in some people's senses of humor and patience (as have been many of our friendships over the years, yet still we all love to hang with each other). If you're upset, find a way to retaliate via the game itself and slake your anger with redemption and vendetta. This is supposed to be fun. (I was attacked in bed and frankly, I thought it was hilarious). So lighten-up Kimosabe… we're all friends here. Don't be such a tight wad.
   

Beyond that. Dress appropriately (boardshorts and t-shirts would be a wise decision for the majority of summer when possible, methinks). Be certain to carry a change of clothes with you at all times. Jahspeed and for the sake of everyone's enjoyment, employment and easy-going summer attitudes, adhere to the rules like gentleman and ladies and do not get angry. For christsakes… it's water!!! It will dry. I promise you.

I shall let you know who all is fair game by the end of the week. In the meantime… check out this video for this awesome event we're participating in whenever it makes it back to this area.